Dating Dont’s & Exciting News

So here it is, the first day of the new year, and my very first post is dedicated to my niece Joleen and her fiance! That’s right, she is engaged. I am so happy for them both and hopefully I’ll be planning a trip to NYC this Spring to meet him. In the meantime, big congratulations! Love you Jo Jo.

I also wanted to use this post to comment on something else… I actually went out three times this week. That’s a lot for me with the whole not working thing for so long and being pretty strapped for cash. But I’m definitely a social person and I enjoy meeting new people. What I do not enjoy is lame pick up lines. I mean seriously guys… in your 30’s or 40’s and still don’t know how to talk to a woman? My friends and I were discussing this and it’s truly crazy that this happens to us all. Ladies, please comment with your own experiences… The following quotes are all true and experienced by me, personally, in the last five months. The lesson, do yourself a favor and do not say these things, or anything you might think is similar.

~ (Quick back story… this is after the normal getting to know you chit-chat… What’s your name? What do you do? Where did you go to school? Etc…) “You have beautiful eyes.” (Nice, right? I thanked him. Then…) “Can I ask you a question? What is your bra size?” me: “Excuse me?” him: “Well, I’m a boob guy.”

~ Him: “Maybe we could go to a movie sometime, I’d like to hang out with you.” me: “Maybe” him: “But you’ll have to drive, I don’t have a license anymore.” (A few minutes later…) him: “I live with my kids’ grandmother but I don’t see what the problem is, I give her food stamps.” (Dude… If you don’t see ANY problem in that sentence, I don’t know how to help you.)

~ Him: “I really should have gone out with you when I had the chance. Probably would’ve kept me out of all that legal trouble.”

~ Him: “Would it bother you to know that I have three kids? Well, only one is mine but the other stay with us since their mom left.” (You know, the thing about this one is while I’m not looking to inherit an entire family, the kid part doesn’t really bother me. The raging cocaine problem, “the only way he can keep up with three elementary school kids”, however is a deal-breaker.

~ Him: “Believe it or not, gettin’ laid is still hard when you’re this good-looking.”

~ Do not stop a female in a bar and ask her to your company Christmas party when 1) you’re married 2) you and your wife are finally expecting your first child after years of trying and most importantly, I know this because you have been talking about it at the table behind me for the last hour. (Pretty low, dude.)

~ Any kind of noise that is not a real word: “Mhhm”, “Huh”, “Pow”, “Damn”, etc… You just sound like an idiot.

~ And finally, and I swear this is true, I have witnesses… If you have the exact same first, middle and last name as my dad, no way is your number going in my phone. I do not care if you look like you just stepped off of a Calvin Klein ad.

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Comments
One Response to “Dating Dont’s & Exciting News”
  1. whitney says:

    Him: “I’m having a pretty good time tonight! usually I go for more of the pretty cheerleader type.” this is the same car salesman loser that gave me balloons (with the dealership’s logo on them!! lol) and a teddy bear sprayed with his cologne for my birthday. when i sniffed it (the bear….hello!) and faked a smile he actually said to his friend “see, it gets ’em evertime”. he rounded off our relationship by telling me that his watch cost more than my car. i had the last laugh, though….a couple years later he said hello to me at hooters in bradentucky and my new loser boyfriend gave hime a black eye. the end.

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